


Dear Scully

by scullyphile



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Cancer Arc, F/M, Letter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-04 17:40:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5342723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scullyphile/pseuds/scullyphile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mulder writes a letter to Scully. This was a prompt from noifsandsorbees. She said: Well in that case, lyric prompt back at ya. Even though I’m giving you this song totally out of context because the context doesn’t work for MSR. “Your lips hang heavy underneath me. And I promised myself I wouldn’t let you complete me….I’m sorry but I fell in love tonight. I didn’t mean to fall in love tonight.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Scully

I don’t know when exactly I fell in love with you; it was so slow in coming. I awoke one morning and all of the leaves had changed color. How had I failed to see the transition? Once I had noticed, it was no time at all before they all fell, leaving the trees mere skeletons of themselves as the winter wind blew between their boughs.

You have cancer. When I kissed your forehead in the hospital hallway, you stood firmly before me still, but in my mind I saw you collapse, give in. Then you said you were going back to work. Your strength has always amazed me.

I oscillate between the man who will never give up and the one who fears the inevitable day you’re no longer by my side, holding up your badge, holding up yourself. I will hold you as long as I can, if it comes to that.

When we’re healthy, we imagine we will be doing the same things, standing next to the same people, forever, because we cannot foresee what will change. Now I see glimpses of myself when you are gone, and I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I do, for you, just as I know you do for me. I will not abandon you. Never.

I never told you this, but came and cried at your bedside one night in the hospital. If you had been awake, I would have confessed it all, told you everything. I would have made you listen this time. You wouldn’t have been able to say it was because I had been drugged. But you were asleep, and I was undone, unraveled.

When they sent you to me, that first day we met, I thought you must be a spy. You weren’t to be trusted, but there was something in your eyes, something in the way you held my hand. I had doubts about your loyalty to them. Over time, I saw that I was right, and I started to wonder how else it might go wrong. They took you away, but you returned to me. I had a second life. I loved you then, too, but I knew you wanted to go back to normal.

I will always go back to normal for you, if you ask, but it’s not what I want. You’re extraordinary, so much more than normal. If you want to go back to work, to ignore you cancer in that way, I will respect that, within reason.

I’m sorry if the signs of my affection ever intrude upon the image of us you have, but I cannot let you die without knowing; so if it ever comes to that, I will hand you this letter. If I need to read it aloud to you, I will.

I hope I never have to show it to you, but if you’re reading this, I am sorry. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, but I have. I wanted to be one of those people who is whole without someone else, but I will always be incomplete without you. I’m sorry it’s my fault you’re sick, and I’m sorry I never got the chance to kiss you, really kiss you, before our world imploded.

Please forgive me.

-M.


End file.
